4338.208.4 | Dirty Optimism

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"Glenda, grab the pole!" The urgency in my voice sliced through the air as I watched the far corner of the tent wobble precariously, threatening to collapse for the third time today. The stakes were set too loosely, the ropes too slack, and my patience was wearing thinner by the second.

"Yeah!" Glenda's response came back, tinged with a casualness that only deepened the frustration etching itself deeper into my features. Over the last half hour, my face had become a canvas of irritation, each minute adding a stroke of vexation.

After extricating myself from the awkwardness of greeting the unwelcome newcomers, Joel's droopy eyes and his gentle prodding had managed to draw me back out of the tent. I found myself wanting to do something productive, something that might momentarily distract me from the brewing storm of emotions inside. That's how I ended up outside, attempting to help Glenda and the Owens with the pitching of another tent. Yet, the task at hand was proving to be anything but a welcome distraction. The enjoyment I had hoped to find in the activity was non-existent, replaced by a growing sense of futility.

My frustration peaked as, with Glenda's absence, the neglected corner finally gave way. The tent's fabric billowed like a sail caught in a gust, the pole slipping from my grasp as if it had a will of its own. The weight of the canvas, now unmoored, dragged my section down too, the structure succumbing to gravity and collapsing in a heap. The sound of the fabric whispering its surrender to the earth was drowned out by my own huff of exasperation.

Marching around to the other side of the tent, where I presumed I'd find the distracted trio, my steps were heavy, each footfall a punctuation mark of my growing ire. The scene that greeted me did little to quell the storm brewing within. "What the fuck are you three doing?" The question burst from me.

"Come take a look at this," Glenda's voice cut through my brewing storm of irritation, her enthusiasm seemingly unmarred by the annoyance that I was quite sure was evident in my own tone. She beckoned me over with a gesture that spoke of discovery, of something worth abandoning my post at the failed tent for. With a heavy sigh, masking the remnants of my frustration, I trudged over, the dust kicking up around my boots with each step.

As I approached, the scene before me was an odd one: Glenda and Karen, huddled together in the dust, their attention fixed on the ground. It was a striking contrast to the abysmal failure of our camping setup. Bending slightly, I peered over their shoulders, my height giving me a clear view of the small green leaves that seemed almost alien against the barren, dusty backdrop of our surroundings. Despite the visual evidence, my brain was sluggish to accept what my eyes were seeing. The sight was so out of place, so unexpected, that for a moment, it refused to register. "What is that?" I found myself asking, my voice tinged with a mixture of curiosity and residual annoyance.

"They're coriander plants," Karen's response came, laced with a tone that felt like a cold draft in an already chilly room. Her voice carried an edge, a clear indicator of the mutual distaste that had somehow sprouted between us as unexpectedly as the coriander plants before us. The feeling is mutual, bug lady, I thought, the unvoiced nickname a testament to the strained dynamics that had taken root among us.

The revelation did little to quell the simmering heat of my frustration. "Did you bring those here?" The question escaped my lips before I could reel it in, its obviousness striking me a moment too late. It was clear that Karen must have been the one to introduce these seedlings into this dusty, lifeless world. Aside from the lagoon, we hadn't stumbled upon any sign of life since our arrival, making the presence of these plants all the more remarkable—and suspicious.

"In a manner of speaking, yes I did," Karen's reply was shrouded in ambiguity, her words leaving more questions than answers hanging in the air.

"In a manner of speaking?" I echoed, my frustration finding a new focus in her vagueness. The phrase irked me, her reluctance to provide a straightforward answer grating on my already frayed nerves. Either you did, or you didn't, is all you have to say, I thought, struggling to keep the irritation from seeping into my voice.

Karen's explanation unfolded before I could unleash the torrent of frustration brewing within me, her words painting a picture that seemed both implausible and fascinating. "We found soil below the hard crust that's hidden beneath all the dust and sand. A few seeds accidentally fell out of my pocket and landed in the soil." Her voice, calm and matter-of-fact, clashed with the turmoil in my mind.

"And look what happens," Glenda chimed in, her enthusiasm cutting through my skepticism. She plucked a seed from the zip-lock bag in Karen's grasp, demonstrating their discovery with a flourish that felt both hopeful and naïve. She pressed the seed into the dirt cradled in Chris's hands, a makeshift planter that seemed as likely to foster life as the barren landscape that surrounded us.

"My hands are getting a little tired," Chris complained, his voice carrying a hint of weariness. The tremble in his hands became visible, a silent testament to the strain of holding the fragile hope of new growth in his palms.

"Last time," Glenda reassured, her tone gentle yet insistent. Karen's hands slid beneath her husband's, providing a steadying support that seemed symbolic of their collective effort. Despite their actions, my skepticism refused to wane. I watched their display, a mix of disbelief and impatience simmering within me. My eyes rolled involuntarily, their earnestness bordering on folly in my eyes. What fucking idiots, I thought, unable to comprehend their faith in such a barren place. "Just because you’ve planted something, doesn't mean it's going to grow," I snapped, my voice laced with the sharp edge of my dwindling patience.

"Just watch. It's incredible," whispered Glenda, her voice a mixture of awe and conviction that I found both irritating and, against my better judgment, slightly infectious.

As my gaze shifted back to the scene unfolding in Chris's hands, my skepticism was met with a sight that defied logic. My eyes widened, disbelief coursing through me. The seed, under the watchful eyes of hope and desperation, began to crack open. Tiny roots, with a life force of their own, burrowed into the soil, anchoring themselves with a voracity that seemed impossible under the circumstances. A short stem pierced the air, reaching upward with an urgency that left me dumbfounded. The first tiny, delicate leaves unfurled with a swiftness that bordered on the miraculous.

Are my eyes deceiving me? Am I hallucinating? Questions swarmed my mind, each one more incredulous than the last. The reality before me was undeniable, yet it challenged every expectation of this lifeless world. What the fuck just happened? It's a fucking seedling! The sight was a blatant contradiction to the desolation that enveloped us, a beacon of life in a place I had resigned to be a tomb of hope. In that moment, the impossible became possible, and my world, once defined by dust and despair, was punctuated by the green of new growth.

"This is great news," Chris's voice broke through the awe-struck silence that had fallen over us, his eyes sweeping across the empty expanse of land that stretched out, seemingly endless and barren, around us. His optimism, in the face of our desolate surroundings, struck a new chord of hope, however faint.

"Perhaps this might help to explain Joel's condition," Glenda mused, her gaze lifting to meet mine. The suggestion hung in the air, a potential link between the miraculous growth we'd witnessed and the mysteries surrounding Joel's condition. It was a thought that had crossed my mind, the possibility that this strange, new world held more secrets than we'd imagined.

"I'm not sure that Joel was buried in the dirt," I blurted out, the words escaping my lips before I could clamp down on the skepticism that still gnawed at me. Despite the evidence of life from the soil, the leap to conclusions about Joel felt premature, a jump across a chasm of unknowns without a safety net.

"Maybe not. First it was the lagoon's water and now it's the soil. There is definitely something different about this place," Karen added, her voice tinged with a mixture of wonder and scientific curiosity. The acknowledgment of the lagoon's water, followed by the soil's unexpected fertility, painted a picture of a land teeming with hidden potential, a remarkable contrast to the desolation that met the eye.

"Chris and I will make the study of the soil our priority. It may be possible to get a controlled ecosystem up and running," Karen declared, her determination clear. The prospect of harnessing this newfound source of life, of turning the desolate into the bountiful, sparked a flicker of excitement within me, despite my best efforts to remain guarded.

"Hold up. Don't get too ahead of yourselves," Chris cautioned, his voice grounding. "We should still apply a great deal of caution. Sure, these plants are a great sign, but we still don't know what the conditions here are really like. You and I have been here for less than a day and the others not much longer. We have no idea what dangers we might be yet to face. Cracking the surface could release more than we realise." His words were a sobering reminder of our vulnerability, of the countless unknowns that lay in wait. The delicate balance between hope and caution felt more precarious than ever.

"With miracle soil like this, it can surely only get better from here," Glenda said, her excitement palpable. Her enthusiasm, while infectious, also served as a mirror to my own internal conflict.

My expression was a battleground of emotions, my mouth twisting into shapes that couldn't decide whether to convey skepticism or forced optimism. There was a part of me, perhaps the part still clinging to hope, that wanted to see these seedlings as a beacon of change, a sign that maybe, just maybe, we could carve out a semblance of life in this empty place. Yet, the cynic in me, the part that had seen too much suffering, felt the tightening of a knot in my gut, a silent herald warning me not to get carried away.

"I'm ready to paint that masterpiece with you, Karen," Glenda's voice broke through my reverie, her laugh brimming with an energetic enthusiasm that felt so alien to me at that moment. It was like a splash of cold water, or perhaps more accurately, a jolt that sent a ripple of discomfort through me. Her optimism, so raw and unguarded, clashed violently with the caution that had taken root in my psyche. The very sound of it made something inside me recoil, a visceral reaction to what my brain screamed was naivety.

As if on cue, the moment of dissonance was shattered by the sound of an engine roaring to life, a sound that was becoming familiar yet always served as a reminder of our tenuous connection to the world we'd left behind. All heads, previously locked in discussion, turned in unison towards the source of the interruption. Kain's ute had become a symbol of our survival, carting supplies from the Drop Zone back to camp, though not without its own set of challenges – the dust was a constant nemesis, threatening to clog its workings and leave us stranded.

"I'll go," I found myself saying, the words escaping me almost as a reflex. It was an excuse, a way to extricate myself from the suffocating optimism that seemed to permeate the air around Karen, Glenda, and Chris. My feet moved before I fully registered my decision, carrying me away from the trio whose visions of the future seemed painted in hues far too bright for my current state of mind.

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