The weeks that followed were tense. Nyla spent much of her time working with Tannya to establish cultural guidelines for interacting with her people. Cal had left to check on the clan hall roughly twenty hours ago and just returned.
"Hey Nyla." Cal said as he walked into the office she had been given to work in.
"Hello, Cal. How are things back home?" Nyla asked, a note of homesickness creeping into her voice.
"They are good. The clans are arguing over how they want to deal with our supposed absence, but I straightened them out," Cal said with a reassuring smile.
Nyla took a breath to continue the conversation, then glanced from the papers she had been writing on to Cal and sighed. "What's the point." She mumbled under her breath.
"What was that?" Cal asked.
"I said, What is the damn point!" Nyla shouted in exasperation. "I am asking how things are going, but they really don't matter, do they? Why should I be writing about how to deal with the affections of my people when there is a war looming over everyone. Pinetil has said as much; she and her mother are essentially preparing to be some kind of sacrificial lamb for Ix'Grom, and I am... I don't even know, how am I helping? I'm not."
Cal chuckled at Nyla's sudden expulsion of emotion. "You say that a war is looming, and maybe to many, it seems that way, but you were there. You saw that we have a way to deal with Ix'Grom. Why are you still worried?"
"Because you didn't deal with him when you had the chance," Nyla said quietly before locking eyes with Cal. "You have the power; you had the opportunity; why not end him then and there."
"That is a good question," Cal said, taking a seat on the only other chair in the office. "I am a weapon. You know that. For all intents and purposes, I am a tool that humanity uses to remove obstacles. But at the same time, I am still a man. I have my own thoughts and my own code of conduct. I also recognize that I have some tendencies that push me into a mental diagnosis of some form of psychopathy or maybe some kind of sociopathy. It is what allows me to handle what my job is. I'm sure you have seen how I look when I finally disregard the rules and regulations. Because of this, I make a concerted effort to abide by my word. In that instance, I had not intoned that I would kill him. And I had already issued the ultimatum that if he obstructed me, I would attack."
Nyla listened to all of this in silence as Cal confirmed some things she had suspected, especially after several conversations with Tannya. "So you were bound by rules from the government and by your own word?"
"Yep. It really is that simple." Cal said with a smile.
That smile used to turn her heart to butterflies, and to a certain extent, it still did, but she knew what was lurking behind that debonair smile. She had seen the cold, calculating machine of war that was Cal. She looked up at him. "Do you ever wish you were not the way you are?"
Cal sighed and slumped into his chair, "No. And I know that most people think I am rather fucked in the head for feeling that way, but I like my job. I like that I get to be a shield as well as a spear. I know you have feelings for me, and I am sorry if this is blunt, but I do not know if I will ever return your feelings. If that is not something you can deal with, I would highly recommend that you move on to someone else."
Cal stood and made as if to leave, then turned and locked eyes with Nyla. "Just know that no matter what you choose, I will always be your friend."
With that, Cal left, leaving Nyla alone in the office. Several hours later, Nyla was still thinking on what Cal had told her as she sat at a table with Tannya and Pinetil who Tannya was trying to groom as a potential leader for a new government among the Jix.
"Hello! Earth to Nyla! You okay?" Tannya asked, waving a hand in front of Nyla.
"What? I'm sorry, what did you ask?" Nyla asked, a little flustered.
"That is not important. What's with you? Normally, you are quite attentive to our conversations. What has you frazzled?" Tannya asked.
Nyla hesitated then relayed the sum total of what she and Cal had discussed. "... and I don't know how I feel about all that."
Tannya sighed heavily, and Nyla saw a confused look wash over Pinetil's face. "Cal is a menace."
"What?!" Pinetil and Nyla said in unintentional unison.
Tannya chuckled. "Cal is a menace, but he is not wrong. In his mind, the emotions you both have for him are something he can ill afford. He has it in his head that he will be the last bearer of sin. He has said multiple times that he does not want anyone else to have to do this job. So he blocks any relationships that get further than he would like."
Pinetil glanced at Nyla before Tannya continued. "He is right, though. He is someone who faces emotions head-on and is not shy about telling people exactly what he is feeling. It is one of many reasons that he is an excellent warrior. And he is very bound by the rules. So, I would suggest the same as Cal. If you can not bear the thought of being in that kind of relationship, then find new prospective partners. Otherwise, I would be prepared to wait. Perhaps for a very long time."
Tannya yawned and stood. "I will leave you two to discuss what is on your mind."
Nyla and Pinetil sat in an awkward silence for a few moments before Pinetil spoke. "So what do you want to do?"
"I think that for right now, I will wait. I will see what happens between Cal and I," Nyla said very carefully.
"I think that is a good idea. For now, though, I will go to bed." Pinetil stood and left Nyla alone.
For no good reason, Nyla started crying.
