I passed out yesterday on the floor of my room. One moment I was stand, the next I was sitting, then laying down. I barely even realized what was happening when everything went dark. Now everyone’s my entire body is sore—guess that’s what happens when you sleep on cold stone.
I still haven’t left my quarters. Ashli left right as I got back, said she was being deployed as part of a 2-ship guard of the Oasis Skerry. Apparently, there’s concerns on pirate attacks and banditry, seeing as how the Skerry’s melita militia is likely in shambles. I really need someone to talk to right now—I can’t believe I of all people am writing this, but I need someone right now.
Gods, I’m just now realizing how bad the damage could have been. I didn’t even see the island. Is my family okay? Faradore wasn’t on the Oasis I don’t think, but what about mother and father?
Are they even alive right now?
For all I know, they both died.
I need to stop thinking about that, it’s not doing me any good. Can’t have anyone come into my room to see me crying. It wouldn’t do at all for a navy officer…
What am I saying?! These are my parents. The navy be damned, I should be worried about them. If someone sees me sobbing my heart out, I don’t give a flying fish. I’m seeing if the navy has any more ships headed out to the Skerry, if not then I’m buying a civilian transport ship.
Turns out all the navy ships left while I was unconscious. Great. I feel miserable, but I’m running down to the civilian harbor to buy passage to the Oasis.
The godsdamned ships left a literal twentiethday before I arrived! I saw sailing away! It felt like it was taunting me, saying “You’re out of shape Ocea. You should have been faster. Now you’ll wait to see if your GODSDAMNED FAMILY IS EVEN ALIVE.”
I don’t know if it was the stress from two days ago, or the pain and panic, or the self-hatred that boiled over. In truth, it was likely a combination of factors. I felt something just… fall apart inside of me. I walked over to the side of the road, curled up, and began to cry. The ugly kind of crying, the kind that makes everyone look at you. The kind that sounds like you’re choking and dying. The kind that I would nornally normally hate to admit to doing in public.
It was all too much. Listening to half the crew I had known for months get sluaght slaughtered, watching as Ivakina Jihowe Jiehow’s body was slashed open and written off as a lost cause, and my mind racing and wondering if my family was dead. It got to me.
I cannot say how long I lied there. It felt like an entire day, though it likely was a thirtieth-day or less. After I managed to get up, I hauled myself to the dock inn. That’s currently where I am now, writing this. Tomorrow, I leave for the Oasis Skerry. Hopefully, that is.
