It was a Troll, that much was certain, but whether or not they should make a run for it was still a subject of fierce debate.

"I cannot believe you talked me into this shit." Bean scoffed, kicking a few stray pebbles and watching them tumble across the cave floor.

"It was hardly 'talking you into it', more like you following me into the woods at the mere mention of something interesting."

It hadn't even gotten to midday when Shen returned to The Black Tower Barista earlier than expected, as far as Coffee and Bean knew he had taken up a hunting quest and would be gone until late in the evening if everything went well. It was rare for him to go on quests in general, being retired and all that, so it was clear to everyone that this job must've been serious business.

Shen interjected before they could even ask, making his way to the storage to retrieve some equipment as he did so, "The folks over at Odds n' Ends said they noticed some adventurers going missing, was going to chalk it up to kobolds or bandits, but the little one stumbled on their abandoned campsite with signs of something much more dangerous."

Coffee recoiled at the last bit, worry plastered over her face, "Oh dear, and they asked for your help? Did they find whatever they were lookin for? A-are they alright?"

A pause followed as Shen inspected his blade, peering over its edge and running his fingers along the inscribed runes that rippled like freshly disturbed water. Deciding it was good enough, he sheathed it and slung it over his shoulder before addressing the two again on his way out.

"I'm the one who offered, business has been slow for them lately and we frankly don't have time to wait and hope a qualified group waltzes into town any time soon. It wasn't hard to find where it was hiding, anyway, it's a troll."

The two baristas gasped, Coffee at a loss for words and Bean letting out an immediate "Holy shit" as per usual.

"Since I'm here anyway. Bean, I got a good look at the troll before coming back, I think you'd get a kick out of seeing it." Shen didn't wait for a response, and the door closed behind him not even a second after the last word.

"Okay, wise guy, we can sit 'ere arguin semantics-"

"Pedantics."

"-arguin pedantics all you want, doesn't change that we're stuck here now."

"Well I was right, wasn't I?"

Bean sighed. He was. And he hated that he was. The realization that their target was a Troll that looked like that would probably be the funniest thing he'd experience that week; so funny to him, in fact, that it was still funny even after being trapped in that same troll's cave surrounded by the corpses of the missing adventurers. Or at least they might've been the missing adventurers, it was mostly their equipment, and any similarities the bodies had to anything humanoid was, at that point, purely coincidental.

"Is it still there?"

"Oh gee I don't know why don't I just ask the fuggin guy huh?" Bean was never one to understand what an inside voice was, and never one to ignore an opportunity to be overly sarcastic, making a show of turning his head round the corner before yelling out, "Hey you still there big guy!?!"

"Yep!" replied a voice, faint at first but echoing inside the cave soon after, thick in accent and somewhat muffled as if it had been in the middle of eating.

"D'you believe this guy, Shen? The fuckin nerve, the chutzpah I tell ya. Bro is sittin out there criss cross applesauce absolutely MUNCHIN on some guy's arm like a fuggin breadstick over there. He's CHILLIN'. Damn. Watch, watch he's gonna threaten us again I can see him lookin up from his lunch-"

"Y'know, fellas! I reckon I could use that funny lit'le bowl heada' yers as a bedpan!!! Thoughts on that???"

"What the f- is'he talkin bout me?"

"I'm not even going to acknowledge that you felt the need to ask."

"Oh wait y'know what actually I do have thoughts on that hold on-" Bean turned the corner again, "-that a threat for before or after you kill us? I'm assumin after, right?"

An agonizing pause followed.

"Y'know it WAS for afta' but you've raised a rather captivating point so I sup'ose I must-"

"Shen we gotta get the hell outta 'ere NOW"

By all accounts, the way they got trapped in the cave was so excruciatingly embarrassing they probably deserved to join those adventurers. Gods know how much they wanted to in the moment.

It was actually quite a ways into the woods, about an hour long trek if they were to guess, and the cave that Shen finally stopped near seemed pretty unassuming. Surely the troll must've been sleeping somewhere inside, they thought. Surely this would be as easy as going in and getting the jump on it before it even knew what was going on, they thought. Surely the troll wasn't waiting just outside the entrance for the explicit purpose of letting them go inside and then sitting right smack in the middle of the cave's only entrance and exit, they thought.

At least it was funny, if nothing else.

"So my eyes ain't decievin me right? That guy looks like he's made a' cawffee."

"Told you you were going to get a kick out of it."

It was almost too good to be true. Too on brand. The troll had all the usual symptoms: size, a hunched back, tusks, freakishly large arms and freakishly stubby legs, that all was normal. Though they probably would've mistook it for some kind of shark troll if it weren't for the large channel running through the top of its head, revealing it to be some kind of big ass coffee bean laid flat on the troll's shoulders, that and the overpowering smell of burnt dark roast. Its mane of steam and coffee grounds was the only thing breaking up its silhouette, which was otherwise just a big rectangle blocking out the light from the entrance, and extended down its arms like tree roots finding and burrowing its way into rock and stone.

The metallic scrape was what alerted them to the troll in the first place, revealing itself to be the armor of some adventurer once their eyes adjusted to the change in light. Or at least what was left of them, dragged in by the chestplate and set aside as the troll sat down in the entrance as if to taunt them.

"I-i-it's so over man! We're done! Finished! Cooked!"

"Why's that?"

"Well shit, man, I don't know lemme think. Oh yeah! We're stuck in a troll cave complete with the troll and we don't even have a way to BEAT the-"

"Bean."

"-'cause like in order to beat a troll you need that somethin somethin to do the thing to stop it from healin-"

"Bean."

"-but its a CAWFFEE troll and cawffee is like a plant or some shit I don't know I've only ever seen it in bean mode but that means the somethin somethin we need is fire and we don't HAVE any fire dude we're so fuc-"

"BEAN."

"..."

Shen, after taking a moment to appreciate the fresh silence, took in a breath. "What do you need in order to make coffee."

"...love...?"

"Okay, that's precious of you, but actually."

"Cawffee beans?"

"By themselves? Right out the box?"

"The hell you talkin about obviously you gotta roast em first and then you gotta get some hot water and start pouring but only a little bit at first cause you gotta let it bloom a lil' then you-"

Shen wordlessly pointed the hilt of his blade to the corpse closest to them.

Surprisingly, with a closer look it was actually pretty obvious they weren't stabbed or dismembered or anything like that. No, the few areas of exposed flesh were horribly, and recently, scarred as if the poor guy was burned to death. Or rather, they were blasted with a metric shit-ton of scalding hot water. This was, if you can believe it, a spark of hope. For it meant that this troll turned out to be weak to everything.

"Oh. Okay. So you knew this the entire time when you coulda-"

"I implore you to consider that the troll can hear us."

"-ah shit, you might be right hold on-" Bean turned the corner yet again, "-ay can you hear us?"

"Yep!"

Bean turned to Shen, dusting off his apron and only mimicking the cracking of knuckles on account of his limbs being made of glassware. The coffee swirling around inside him now visibly bubbling.

"So we'll just wing it?"

"As always." Shen said with the ghost of a smile as he stepped around the corner, one hand on the sheath of his blade and the other resting firmly around the hilt.

It didn't matter how long he'd been retired from the demon hunting life, Shen remained just as capable as he always was. The speed at which he went from walking, to crouched, to suddenly sprinting towards their foe would've been hard to anticipate even for someone fully expecting it. The fluidity of drawing his sword, slicing runes into the air in front of him as he did so, mirroring the Watershaping he had long since trained to perfection. The trailing water behind him like calligraphy.

Shape of Water: Constant Flux. A raging vortex now poured from the runes along his blade; he was never one to save his strongest moves for last.

The troll tanked the cuts and slashes and, as expected, healed almost instantaneously. But it staggered back once the waves had come crashing down. Not a second passed before the troll gave off a burst of light, blue in color, and nearly collapsed. Shen slid to a stop in front of it, blade sheathed once more.

Bean made a show of jogging close behind, despite moving slower than walking pace, and stopped in front of the two.

"Well looky here! I'd say the turns here have tabled pretty fuggin quick ay big guy? AH SHI-" was all he managed to get out before the troll punched him directly in what would've been his sternum. The sound of shattering glass followed as he tumbled across the ground.

Shen closed his eyes as if in preparation.

"AAAAOH GOD OH FUCK MY ARM MY ARM IS GONE HOLY SHIT THE PAIN IS INDESCRIBABLE-" he whined, clutching his hand and throwing himself over the cave floor this way and that with the same panache of a theater kid acting out his death, before rolling his way to the troll's side, "-is what I WOULD say if this actually meant anything."

There wasn't much the troll could do at that point, especially with Bean punching it with the business end of his shattered arm now dealing complimentary puncture damage. Shen drew his sword, raising it above his head and waiting patiently for Bean to finish his performance.

"I just want you to know, my man, that karma's a bitch," he said, hand on the troll's shoulder as if giving a pep talk, "I have every intention of drinking you after this."

The abandoned campsite wasn't too far from the cave, that alone was all the reason they needed to take a much needed break after whatever the hell just happened. The smell of coffee, albeit overpowering and unpleasantly burnt, soon wafting around them not long after once Bean had finally finished the mystery brew they collected from the troll. Both of them ignoring how he apparently knew how to start a fire.

Lamenting the fact that troll material doesn't keep for long without a proper way to store it, Bean delicately lifted the one cup they managed to get out of what was left by then. Shen nodded, signaling for Bean to take the first sip.

After a minute of hyping himself up, backing down, and hyping himself up again he finally dredged up the courage, valor, and no small amount of chutzpah, to take the sip. Silence followed, Bean's expression unreadable.

It was coffee, that much was certain, but whether or not it was drinkable was still a subject of fierce debate-

"Mm. Tastes like shit."